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X-CLUSIVE! GENUINE™ GEOFF DOLL ACTION FIGURE!

EXCLUSIVE COLLECTOR'S EDITION! GEOFF ACTION FIGURE

IN KILT AND AKUBRA AS SEEN IN THE SUNDAY MAIL
NOT AVAILABLE IN SHOPS!!!    ACT NOW!!!

*** IN THESE TIMES OF FINANCIAL UNCERTAINTY YOU CAN'T GO WRONG WITH AN INVESTMENT OF SUCH FINE CRAFTSMANSHIP ***

A Million Uses:-

  • Investment — either capital gain for your grandchildren or rental income — OR — negative gearing to reduce tax liability;

  • Professional IT Services — will complain about email attachment sizes and printer sharing for hours on end;

  • “Fourth” for Bridge — In case you can only find two friends, the Genuine™ Geoff Action Figure will learn to play bridge as quickly as a proper human! and

  • Scarecrow — In addition to crows and locusts, may also scare away unwanted cats PLUS neighbours' children.

  • Plus 999,996 More! — that we can't publish here for reasons of space, but which certainly DO EXIST (we don't want any trouble with the Trade Practices people … THOSE %$!@* VULTURES).


Adventure!

Fun!

Cosmopolitan!

And LOOK at this Amazing and Excruciating Attention to Detail:—


Wedding Ring

Garter Belt

Shiny Bald Patch™

So WHAT could this Staggeringly Amazing Thing possibly be WORTH? Well, if you found it at a garage sale or church fête, it would, admittedly, be about 50 cents. But because we have to recover the full economic value of production, on a true-cost basis, plus normal markups and agents' commissions, the Genuine™ Geoff Action Figure can be yours for only $13,250.00 (including GST).

And just look at these fantasticoptional accessories”:

  • Pocket knife for levering open PC cases with stripped screws — $49.95 $39.95 $59.95

  • Bandaids for cuts and abrasions from sharp metal edges of PC cases — $5.75

  • Iced coffee carton (expiry date > 10 days) — $3.20 (HIGHWAY ROBBERY)

  • Iced coffee carton (expiry date ≤ 7 days) — not available at any price

  • 2Gb USB Key (to leave behind at client's premises) — $12.00

  • 173 Long Playing Records — $500.00 O.N.O.

  • Record Player (SORRY, NO LONGER AVAILABLE)

Order Form

Yes! Please rush me a Genuine™ Geoff Action Figure!
I understand that if not completely satisfied, that's what Ebay is for.
I also understand that if the Genuine™ Geoff Action Figure is unavailable, it may be substituted with another product.

Credit Card Number: ________________________________________________ Expiry: ___________
or Invoice me and I will forward a cheque as soon as the Worldwide Depression is over

Email: ________________________________________________
We promise not to spam you! (That's what we pay others to do!)

Email of five friends: ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________

Days you're normally not home: ________________________________________________

When is your holiday planned: ________________________________________________

Type of TV/DVD Player: ________________________________________________

Your Net Worth (Include Super & Home): ________________________________________________

Names of Wealthy Relatives: ________________________________________________

If you have annoying neighbours, I know a guy so just wink: ________________________________________________

Delivery method:
Express Ultra-Fast Serialised Tracking Delivery DIRECT! to my door (NB allow 4-6 weeks)
Leave it by the side of the road somewhere and someone will probably find it.

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